When Ted Weigh was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, his daughter Helen and wife Elizabeth focused on making the most of every moment together. After his health suddenly deteriorated, the family experienced the compassionate care of Dr Kershaw’s Hospice for the very first time — something Helen says changed their understanding of hospice care forever.
“The Hospice became a place of comfort, not sadness”
Helen reflects on her dad, Ted’s life, and the love and care their family received during his final weeks at Dr Kershaw’s before he died there aged 93 on 15 September 2022. She also shares the lasting impact the Hospice continues to have on her family today…
“Dad was one of three brothers, both of whom sadly died as young adults. From the age of 16, Dad worked painting and decorating large houses around Saddleworth before eventually becoming self-employed. For 14 years, he didn’t have his own transport, but he was resourceful – paying someone to drop off and collect his ladders while he travelled to work on the bus. He wasn’t quite as good as decorating his own home though; I think I still had baby paper on my walls until I was 17!
Dad met my mum, Elizabeth, when he was decorating a house in Delph and she was working on a milk round. He was her first boyfriend. They spent their early years going to dance halls and cinemas before Dad, always the gentleman, would make sure Mum got home safely before catching the bus home himself. Mum and Dad loved travelling and enjoyed many coach tours around Europe together. He would always let Mum have the window seat so she could enjoy the scenery, but she usually fell asleep. I was their only child, and they shared an incredible 70 years together before Dad died.
Dad loved bowling, spending his time at Delph Cricket and Bowling Club twice a week up until the age of 88, when a troublesome hip forced him to retire from playing. Even then, it didn’t stop him turning up every week though to mark the scorecards whilst enjoying a pint.
At 89, I noticed Dad was making mistakes marking the scorecards and becoming angry and frustrated which wasn’t like him. After seeking medical advice, Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s just three months later. Following his diagnosis, we made the most of every moment together, enjoying days out and precious family time. Then Covid hit, and we spent hours together in the garden playing hundreds of games of dominoes.
In August 2021, the day before my birthday, Dad became seriously unwell after picking up a bug and was rushed into resus by ambulance. Although he pulled through and returned home, his health continued to fluctuate. Each time he seemed to improve, he would deteriorate again and was barely eating.
There was such warmth, laughter and affection between Dad and the Hospice staff, and witnessing those moments brought us enormous comfort during an incredibly difficult time.
That’s when Dr Kershaw’s Hospice was first mentioned to us. I had always thought the Hospice was just for people with cancer and didn’t know how I felt about Dad being admitted. We spoke to a nurse, who arranged for Hospice at Home to visit Dad that same evening. They were amazing and took caring at home to another level.
The very next day, Dad was admitted to the Hospice’s Inpatient Unit. I don’t know what I expected as I had never been to the Hospice, I had visions of a morbid building full of misery, but the first thing I remember is walking through the doors, seeing the receptionist smiling warmly and saying, “come this way ladies.” I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Leaving Dad on his first night there was difficult, but the following morning Mum and I returned to find him sitting up in bed with his PJ’s on and his handkerchief folded in his top pocket, just as he liked. Dad loved being fussed over and pampered, and he really was in the Hospice – enjoying massages from the complementary therapist and receiving such loving care from every member of staff.
I know they gave Dad far better care than I could ever have managed at home. I feel like they were me in a nurse’s uniform but with all the skills and knowledge needed to keep him comfortable. They were so caring and went above and beyond anything I could have dreamed of. The staff even wheeled Dad’s bed outside so he could enjoy the gardens. They did everything they possibly could for him and us too. There was such warmth, laughter and affection between Dad and the staff, and witnessing those moments brought us enormous comfort during an incredibly difficult time.
Dad was cared for in the Hospice for just over two weeks, but during the second week his decline became very sudden. On the night Dad died, we were able to stay by his side all day and throughout the night, sleeping in his room next to him. Being able to stay so close to Dad meant everything to us.
The Hospice provided not only the very best care and surroundings for Dad, but support and comfort for Mum and me too. Looking back, it was the perfect place for Dad – somewhere peaceful, calm and caring during his final days. After Dad died, we were able to spend time with him in the chapel of rest. We visited him there three times and although it was heartbreaking, it also brought a real sense of peace and comfort to be close to him.
The Hospice gave Dad the most wonderful end-of-life care and for that we will always be grateful.”
A lasting impact
Although losing Ted was heartbreaking, Helen and her mum found that their connection to the Hospice did not end after his death. Over time, the Hospice became a place associated not only with sadness, but also with comfort, gratitude and treasured memories of the time they spent together as a family.
They still regularly visit the Hospice café for lunches spent overlooking the gardens that they walked around during Ted’s stay. Returning brings a sense of comfort and helps them feel close to him; whilst also reminding them of the kindness and compassion they experienced throughout his care.
Wanting to give something back in recognition of the support they received, Helen and her mum continue to support the Hospice through visiting our shops and attending fundraising events. In Ted’s memory, Helen has also made Light Up a Life and Rose to Remember dedications.
Helen later went on to volunteer at the Hospice helping with the tea trolley on Friday afternoons. For her, it was a meaningful way to give back to other families experiencing difficult moments with loved ones.
Helen said: “I’ll never forget the comfort of someone coming in and asking if we wanted a brew and a slice of cake. Those little acts of kindness meant so much during the hardest days of our lives. Volunteering felt like a way of giving a little bit of that care back to other families.”
🩷 Because every moment matters 🩷
Little acts of kindness meant so much during the hardest days of our lives. Volunteering felt like a way of giving a little bit of that care back to other families.